Heartbeat Tempo

What takes place first

most say the sight of them

others say its when you first hold hands

and a few say when you first hear them

so I thought I wasn't able to feel it

until I was taught

that it just takes time

or at least I've been told

I'm not saying I haven't felt it

although

I cant hear the rhythm

the tempo

everyone else taps their foot

tuned to the same pace

so why

why am I considered tone deaf

I’ll try to reciprocate

to show up

to present myself

and all I end up doing

is mess up the entire song

you don't go searching for it

it finds you instead

and of course

it found me

but it never stayed

your never told that part

the part where you have to hold on

because it wont hold onto you

fleeting

avoidant

that's what it is

it deceives

by disguising as momentary bliss

giving you a glimpse of heaven

then dragging you into hell

cruel is what it is

or maybe it has a bone to pick

with me

with the world

I see the hands of many

grasping onto that bliss

as they clench with all their might

alas

my hands are too soft

I would only end up bruising them

I think of it as unnecessary pain

for a dream that doesn't require any

so why must my hands bleed

why is this the most desirable emotion

when its the only one we can not seek out

when its the most complicated

the most delicate

the harshest

I wouldn't eat glass

no matter what shape it takes

no matter what colour it dawns

no matter how beautiful it looks

and yet we yearn for this feeling

knowing our past outcomes

knowing the damage it has caused

regardless

it might just be

the only thing that's kept life thriving

peace can be born from war

healing takes place after hurt

but which is it

is it the peace and healing that we desire

or is it the war and hurt

I fail to understand

when do we stop

when does the sentence end

do we keep desiring it

as it flees from us

or do we let go

and let the bruises on our hands heal

will I ever know

when this feeling will stay for good

will it ever

maybe I'm overthinking

maybe I'm just making a mess again

after all

when all is said and done

I know I’ll still hope

hope that it stays

hope that it keeps finding me

because as I am human

I will always yearn

and I will always desire

that momentary bliss.